Tits of Gold Episode 1: Douchebags Are Forever
(The scene opens to a beautiful scenery of the Australian Outback) ' ' “Last summer, fifteen idiots from a Wiki dedicated to roleplaying a cartoon show, were marooned on the small island nation of Tuvalu, where for 40 days they spent in severe conditions, while voting each other out for a million dollars. Now, a year later, we are at it again!” ' ' (A military airplane is shown flying through the area, as we cut to the cockpit where GOsama is in the pilot seat, and next to him in the co-pilot seat is Grass) ' ' Grass: Hello everyone, I’m Grass, but I prefer you know me as Boograssi this season. And welcome to Tits of Gold! The long awaited successor to Balls of Steel! And in the back of this plane are seven new competitors, waiting for us to land, so we can begin the game, right out here in the Australian Outback! Who will they be playing against? You will find out in a bit. (We then cut to the back of the airliner, as Aqua, Chwiis, Ethan, Garret, Lego, Milk, and Mirnish are sitting back, relaxing) ' ' Garret: OMG! I’ve never flew on a plane before! I like the bumpy ride it’s given us so far. ;) ' ' Aqua: *rolls eyes at Garret* ' ' Ethan: Ha! *slaps knee* ' ' Chwiis: Ikr! The bumps sure do give a tingly sensation in my enormous shaft! ' ' Mirnish: Ew! ' ' Chwiis: You fuckin wut m8!? You irrelevant mong. ' ' Milk: Stop bullying Mirnish. ' ' Chwiis: What’s that cunt!? Yeah didn’t think so! ' ' Garret: Did somebody say something about having an enormous dick!? :O May I see it? ' ' Chwiis: Sure, but $50. ' ' Garret: I don’t have that kind of money with me right now, I spent all of my blowjob money on stuff for this trip. :( ' ' Lego: SHUT YO MANLY ASS UP! ' ' Aqua: Bish whet!? ' ' Lego: Sorry :/ ' ' Garret: OMG! Like, we can be friends! Lego: I guess so…. ' ' Garret: Yay! *crawls over to Lego and tries to unzip his pants* ' ' Lego: What the! *pushes Garret away* Not friends in THAT kind of way! ' ' Garret: Oh……. *crawls over to Aqua* Hey bby ;) ' ' Aqua: Ew! ' ' Garret: But aren’t you gay too? We could be fuckbuddies! :D ' ' Aqua: Sorry, you aren’t my type for one, and plus I’m a conservative kind of gay, I don’t show expressions of my feelings toward other men. ' ' Ethan: Are you even gay then? ' ' Milk: Holy shit! Homophobia much, Ethan? ' ' Ethan: Whaa? ' ' Aqua: Yeah Ethan, just stop you disgusting human being! ' ' Mirnish: Yeah Ethan, get out of here! ' ' Chwiis: Just fuck off, m8! ' ' Ethan: ….. I- ' ' Lego: SHUT YO MANLY ASS UP! ' ' Ethan: Aw….. ' ' Chwiis: Psst! Hey guys, you wanna see my shaft? ' ' Garret: DO I EVER!? :D ' ' Aqua: Sure, why not… Just out of curiousity… Hehe…. ' ' Chwiis: Alright, here goes nothing *stands up, unzips pants, and pulls them down* ' ' (Chwiis then removes his dick from beneath his underwear and it immediately hits the floor of the plane, and due to it’s weight, it causes the airliner to shake and lose control) ' ' Mirnish: OH FUCK WE GONNA DIE! ' ' Grass: What the Hell is going on? Did we get hit!? ' ' GOsama: Don’t look at me, I swear on behalf of Allah I had nothing to do with it…. At least not this time >:) ALULULULULULULULULU! ' ' Grass: *gets on plane intercom* Attention passengers, we have lost control of the plane. We aren’t sure what the cause is but we are about to crash. Now kiddies, just stay calm and this will all be okay- ' ' Contestants: *freak out and scream* ' ' (The plane then spins out of control and does a spiral dive towards the woods, crashing and exploding in the process) ' ' (An hour later, Grass, GOsama and the seven contestants are seen gathered up in an area near the crash debri) ' ' Grass: Alright, so we got everyone? Okay, thank fuck for Chwiis’s magical shaft and it’s force field abilities. Otherwise we would all be toast. ' ' Chwiis: You’re welcome m8. ' ' GOsama: Now my plane is destroyed! You and your production team better pay for the damages after this is all over! ' ' Grass: Don’t worry Mr. Bin Laden, it will all be taken care of. ' ' GOsama: Now, if you excuse me I have an ISIS meeting a 6 o’clock sharp today. We are trying to come up with a plot to attack Sydney. ALULULULULULULULU! *runs off* ' ' Ethan: That guy was weird. ' ' Milk: Look who’s talking. ' ' Grass: Okay guys, let’s not get too out of hand here. Since we are all on the ground, let’s just take this time to begin things. *coughs* Welcome newbies, to Balls of Steel: Season 2! Aka Tits of Gold! ' ' (The seven contestants are shown to be rather unamused) ' ' Grass: Before I show you who you will be playing against, I just need to introduce you to my co-host: It was originally gonna be Heo, BUT he dropped out at last minute due to some “emergency” but I’m pretty sure we all know the reason he isn’t out here is because he is hiding from the Mexican Mafia that Dark sent out to get him. So meanwhile, here is his replacement: Señor Toastus! ' ' Señor Toastus: Hola amigos! Señor Toastus at your service! Today’s dinner: Hot tamales! Yum yum! ' ' Contestants: ….. ' ' Grass: Now, the moment you have all been waiting for. Here are the seven people you will be going up against! ' ' (Out of nowhere a giant crate lands next to them, and complaining voices can be heard from inside) ' ' ???: WE RP NOOWWW!!! ' ' ???: Guys, I can’t breath, JRO is sitting on me. ' ' ???: Shut up, Bat. ' ' ???: THIS IS SOME RACIST DISCRIMINATION TYPE TREATMENT! A BROTHA BEING LOCKED UP INSIDE A CRATE IT’S LIKE 1650 AGAIN! ' ' Grass: *goes up to crate and cuts it open* ' ' (Bat, GO, JRO, RJ, Rocker, Rocky, and Ultra all burst out onto the ground, coughing and sucking in air due to the suffocation they suffered inside the crate) ' ' Ultra: Man, am I glad we are finally out of there, my McDonalds’s smell was being overtaken by the smell of fried chicken. ' ' Rocky: Blame Rocker and his KFC-loving ass. ' ' Rocker: I PREFER POPEYE’S YOU IGNORANT BITCH! ' ' Bat: Like, you guys need to stop being so r00d to each other. Can’t we all get along? ' ' Rocky: Bat, I swear if you don’t stfu… ' ' Bat: Well, I don’t like you either :P ' ' JRO: Ha! GHEEEEEEYY!!! ' ' RJ: Shut up, JRO! ' ' JRO: Fuck off Kim Jong! ' ' RJ: Your fatass was taking in all the moisture in that crate. I couldn’t breath. ' ' Chwiis: OH DAAAAAAAAYUUUUMMM!!! ' ' Grass: New meat, meet the pre-merge losers from last season! They will be competing against you for the next 39 days! ' ' JRO: K. ' ' Grass: JRO I swear you fucking do that shit again. ' ' Aqua: *sees JRO* Not him! ' ' GO: AQUA YOU BE GHEY LIKE SHIT! ' ' Rocker: *screenshots GO saying that* For when I take all of y’all down. ' ' JRO: *eats the screenshot* Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ' ' Rocker: WTF! ' ' RJ: Thank goodness didn’t bring my Survivor DVDs or else JRO would have probably eaten those too! ' ' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ethan: *In Confessional* Wow, first confessional of the season! Wooooo! Guess people here really love me! ' ' Rocker: *In Confessional* Wait what’s this I hear about a WHITE boi getting the first confessional!? WTF is with this white privilege bullshit!? That’s it! When I win this thing, I’m gonna take ALL of these bitches down! And ain’t no pasty white gonna get in my way this time! ' ' Chwiis: *In Confessional* I say, these old guys seem quite shaftilicious! ' ' Mirnish: *In Confessional, jerking off to BBCan3 live feeds* Wtf? Go away hoes! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ' ' Grass: Now, just to make sure, vets, your team name is the Happy Hams! ' ' RJ: I am NOT a ham! ' ' Rocky: Don’t worry RJ, being a ham ain’t so bad. Just ask me cashews *pulls out cashew bucket only to find out it’s empty* What the-... ' ' Chwiis and Milk: *stashing it in their pockets* ' ' Grass: And new guys, your team name is the Furious Fuq Bois! ' ' Lego: ….. ' ' Garret: But I’m no fuq boi D: Ethan: You kinda are, dude. ' ' Milk: KKK. ' ' Rocker: …… I’m not even gonna feed into your racist bait. ' ' Grass: I think this is the perfect time to do our first challenge of the season! ' ' RJ: Yay! I hope it’s a fire carrying challenge. Just like on #Survi- I mean, yeah, challenge, whatever. ' ' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- RJ: *In Confessional* Okay, so as much as I want to talk about Survivor, my biggest downfall last time was I annoyed too many people with it to the point where freaking Rocker idol’d me out! So my new strategy this season is to try and be less vocal, and more strategic. ' ' Milk: *In Confessional* That guy RJ seems cool and interesting. I think he and I can work together in the future. ' ' GO: *In Confessional* THIS SEASON, I WILL JUST GOD LIKE HELL AND WIN CHALLENGES! ALULULULULULULULU! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ' ' Grass: Your first challenge will be sort of a tribute to the first challenge of last season: You will decorate your trailer homes. You will have two hours to do so, and at the end of those two hours, Señor Toastus and I will judge on which team’s looks the best. ' ' Bat: But we don’t have any trailers around here. ' ' (Suddenly a couple of mobile homes drop from the sky and land in front of everyone) ' ' Grass: You were saying? ' ' Ethan: That was convenient. Zing! ' ' Aqua: That wasn’t even a zing? ' ' Mirnish: Nor was it funny at all. ' ' Chwiis: Ethan, mind doing us a favor, m8? ' ' Ethan: Yeah? ' ' Ethan’s teammates: *grabs him and throws him into a nearby lake* ' ' Ethan: But I- *struggling to stick head out of water* Can’t swim! gnbfsdcffhgdvd. ' ' Aqua: That should keep him occupied for a few hours. ' ' (While Ethan is seem struggling to float in the water, a few crocodiles are seen swimming towards him, as we cut to the two teams inside their mobile homes) ' ' (Happy Hams- Day 1) ' ' Bat: So… How are we gonna do this? ' ' Rocky: Well um….. *puts up American flag on the wall* There’s a good start! ' ' GO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *grabs flag and throws it out window* SORRY, THAT FLAG WAS JUST HURTING MY BELIEFS OF ISLAM! ' ' Rocky: ;-; ' ' JRO: Tbh I think we should just add video game stuff and shit. ' ' RJ: Shut up JRO nobody asked for your opinion. ' ' Rocker: No, what we need to do is add stuff like this: *Places life-sized cut-out poster of Obama on trailer door* There, that’s better. ' ' Ultra: Let’s just be cool about this and decorate the place with random stuff. ' ' Everyone Else: *agrees* ' ' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ultra: *In Confessional* Last season, I got royally screwed by that asshole Chip. But now, I’m stepping it up and being more of a team player. And after this is all over, people will actually remember me. Rocky: *In Confessional* My plan is to try and get myself eliminated early on again. Cus if I go far, let alone win, don’t want everyone reading this shit to think I’m rigging for myself. And seeing how last time it didn’t take much, I think this should be easy. Hopefully….. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ' ' JRO: *walks up to Rocky* Hey Rocky, what do you think of those busty anime babes? ' ' Rocky: I’d say I’d fuck ‘em right in the pussy, why do you ask? ' ' JRO: Lol, nothing, just curious is all….. ' ' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ JRO: *In Confessional* Okay, even though I like Rocky and I THINK he’s okay with me, I’m trying to secure my spot with him. Cus think about this: Dark won BoS. Why? Because everyone loves him, including Rocky himself. Rocky would never have somebody like Bat or Chip win. So my plan is to kiss up to him and hopefully in return, he, as the writer of the show, gives me the win! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ' ' (Furious Fuq Bois- Day 1) ' ' Aqua: I say we decorate this place with Ariana and other slaying hoes merchandise <3 ' ' Chwiis: *Places a Shrek poster on the bathroom door* So everytime we go to take a shit, Shrek will bless us with his presence as he stares at us while we do our business. ' ' Lego: Needs more Dawn. ' ' Ethan: Lame. ' ' Mirnish: I thought we left you in the lake? How the Hell did you get back here so fast? ' ' Ethan: I dunno, magic? ' ' Garret: Oh I can show you some magic of my own, bby. ;) ' ' Aqua: You guys know what to do. ' ' (Cut to an outside view of the Fuq Bois’ trailer, when suddenly Ethan is seen flying out of the window) ' ' Ethan: …. Ow. ' ' Lego: Milk, you sure have been awfully quiet. ' ' Milk: Hmm? Oh, uh, yeah. I think we should just….. Make sure this place doesn’t smell like Mexicans. ' ' Chwiis: Ikr! People might think Heo lives here. ' ' Milk: Racist! ' ' Chwiis: Jew mad? ' ' Milk: Nah I’m just playing around. ' ' Aqua: Where did Mirnish go? ' ' Garret: *opens bathroom door* Woah. :O ' ' Mirnish: *sitting on toilet, eating out of a jar of peanut butter he smuggled in* Shit….. ' ' Everyone: *gasps* ' ' Mirnish: I- I-.... I can explain this all really. ' ' Chwiis: Sure Jan. #StealingRockersShitLikeABoss ' ' Lego: SHUT YO MANLY ASS UP! ' ' Mirnish: No u! ' ' Milk: Guys calm down, I’m sure Mirnish can explain. ' ' Mirnish: I got this from the cabinets! I swear! ' ' Aqua: *opens up cabinets to see a shitload of junk food* O3O ' ' Milk: Food! ' ' Chwiis: If I had known we had this stuff I would have snacked on something hours ago. ' ' Lego: At least here we know the food will last much longer than the other team. Cus they have JRO. As soon as he finds out about it he’ll eat it all in one night probably. ' ' Aqua: I love this team already <3 ' ' (The six of them then group hug like a bunch of true Fuq Boi’s, while in the background Ethan can be seen crawling back in through the window, scratched up and pieces of shattered glass in his hair and shirt, as he drops hard onto the floor) ' ' Ethan: *laying down* …. Haaa! *lightly pats knee due to the pain* ' ' (The two hours have than passed, and the contestants are all gathered in front of the trailers, as Grass reveals the results) ' ' Grass: Well well well, Señor Toastus and I have looked through both team’s trailers. And we did an overall review on both based on overall swag. ' ' Señor Toastus: I must say, whoever installed El Shrek voice over for whenever you flush the toilet in the Fuq Boi trailer really did a great job! ' ' Chwiis: *smirks* ' ' Grass: And now, by a score of 9 against a whopping 5 ½. The winning team is……. The Fuq Bois! Congrats, you guys are safe at the first ever ceremony! ' ' Aqua: Slay Queens all day! <3 ' ' Rocker: FUCK! ' ' JRO: HA! GHEEEEEYY! ' ' Rocky: Yes! ' ' Grass: Happy Hams, you guys have two days to decide who’s going home. See you at the elimination ceremony! ' ' (Happy Hams- Day 2) ' ' Rocker: Well fuck who do we vote out. ' ' Rocky: Well, the writer is sitting right here. Maybe you guys can throw a vote my way? *trollface* ' ' RJ: I say we get rid of that fat fuck JRO. He’s so useless and annoying. ' ' Bat: I’m with RJ on this one. ' ' Rocky: ._. ' ' -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rocky: *In Confessional* This is gonna be harder than I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I wanna get myself voted out, but Rocker is still a thing and I’d rather he not outlast me again. ' ' RJ: *In Confessional* We need to keep Rocky around for a while cus maybe he can give me the win. Plus he’s a fellow #Survivor fan. Byebye JRO! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ' ' Bat: I uh, gotta go do something. BRB. *goes outside* ' ' Rocker: Yeah me too, I gotta go, uh….. check my watermelon plants. *follows Bat* ' ' (Bat and Rocker exit the trailer and go behind it where GO and Ultra are waiting for them) ' ' Ultra: Okay, so what’s the plan? ' ' Bat: We’re voting out JRO. ' ' Ultra: Seems good to me. ' ' GO: YES! AND US FOUR ORIGINAL OTDRP WILL DOMINATE THIS GAME! Rocker: *quickly places hand over GO’s mouth* Sssshhhhhhh! Stfu do you wanna blow our cover bitch? ' ' GO: BLOW? AS IN BLOW UP!? ALULULULULULULU! ' ' Bat and Ultra: SHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! ' ' GO: SORRY!.... *slaps self* Okay, now I’m in normal mode… Anyways, damn Rocker, yo hand smells like some straight up Kool-Aid, nigga! ' ' Rocker: I swear to God if you don’t, actually, you know what. I’m tired of this shit! *grabs GO and starts strangling him* How does it feel you dent-faced fuck!? ' ' Bat: Guys, stop! We need to cooperate here. ' ' Ultra: He’s right. Remember, it’s us four OTDRP to the end. ' ' Rocker: *lets go of GO* Agreed. ' ' (The four them shake hands and then part ways) ' ' JRO: Yo Rocky, ever get the feeling that something doesn’t seem right? ' ' Rocky: I think that’s just my cashews in your stomach speaking. ' ' JRO: xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD ' ' Rocky: That wasn’t meant to be funny dumbass. ' ' JRO: Lol but nah I didn’t eat or steal your cashews I swear. ' ' Rocky: Mmmhhmm. Sure Cliff. ' ' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- JRO: *In Confessional* You know, after getting out first last time, I think it’s safe to say I’ll still be here by tomorrow. I’m feeling really comfortable so far out here. *eating out of bag of Lay’s* What the? Non-Fat!? THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT! ' ' Rocker: *In Confessional* This time, the Keanu Reeves will prevail! Like my master Sammy Jacksonobi smelt my breath and said to me: “The Grape Kool-Aid is strong with this one!” Wait…. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ' ' (Elimination Ceremony- Night 3) ' ' Grass: Alright, this vote was rather one-sided. But here we go. When I call your name I will toss a marshmallow to you. ' ' Bat: Just marshmallows? Lame. ' ' Grass: Well maybe next time I’ll hand out twinkies in dedication to you. ' ' Bat: r00d! ' ' Grass: Anyways, the following are safe with zero votes: ' ' Ultra ' ' Bat ' ' GO ' ' Aaannnndd…. Rocky! ' ' Rocky: Fuck! ' ' Grass: As for the rest of you, two of you received only one vote, while the other received six. And safe with only one vote is……. Rocker! ' ' Rocky: *under breath* You have got to be kidding me. ' ' Rocker: Yes! SEE! Whichever one of you white devils tried to vote me out can smd! ' ' Grass: Which leaves our bottom two: JRO and RJ. JRO, you’re on the chopping block for being JRO. And RJ, you’re on the chopping block for…. Well, um… ' ' RJ: …… ' ' Grass: I guess JRO hates you? Guess it doesn’t matter cus you get the last marshmallow! ' ' RJ: Phew! ' ' JRO: WTF! Wow! ' ' GO: HA! JRO IS FIRST OUT AGAIN JAJAJAJAJAJA! ' ' JRO: Fuck you guys! I’m out! *stands up and starts to walk away* ' ' Rocky: *crossing fingers and closes eyes* Please, don’t let this be the final outcome. Come on writer skills, do something! Change things up! ' ' (Just as JRO is walking out the area, two police officers are seen walking by, and they stop as they notice Rocker) ' ' Cop #1: Holy shit it’s a black kid! ' ' Cop #2: I bet you it’s the same one who robbed that convenience store in Sydney! ' ' Rocker: You racist motherfuckers I’ve never been to Sydney before in my whole life! ' ' Cop # 1: Sure sure. Tell it to the court. ' ' Cop #2: *pulls out nightstick* In case he resists the arrest. ' ' (The two officers begin to walk towards Rocker) ' ' Rocker: Well fuck this shit, I’m out! ' ' Rocky: What do you mean? ' ' Ultra: You’re not gonna cooperate with them? ' ' Rocker: Hell no! Nigga I’m black! When the police tell us to halt, we don’t listen, we run! So see ya pasty whites! *runs off* ' ' Cops: Hey! He’s running away! Let’s get him! ' ' (Rocker then runs and disappears into the woods as the two officers shortly follow) ' ' Grass: Well that was sure….. Interesting? ' ' RJ: What now? ' ' Grass: Well, since something tells me Rocker is never coming back, I guess I have no choice but to count him as auto-eliminated. Which means, sadly for you guys, JRO is safe…. for now. ' ' JRO: YES! ' ' Everyone but Rocky and Ultra: Aw!!!! ' ' Rocky: Thank fuck it worked! ' ' RJ: Thank fuck what worked? ' ' Rocky: Nothing…. ' ' Grass: The only bad thing about this is: I really was looking forward to testing out the new elimination device. But instead it seems I’m gonna have to wait another three days to see it work. Unless….. *glares over at Señor Toastus* ' ' Señor Toastus: Hmmmm? ' ' (The scene cuts over to Señor Toastus floating in a giant toilet near the river) ' ' Grass: The Flush of Shame! Hams, you might wanna watch this, you know, for future knowledge. *presses button on remote control* ' ' Toastus: MIIIIEEEEEERRDDAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *gets flushed* ' ' Grass: Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo! And with that, one down, thirteen to go. There are a group of noobies who KNOW they can beat the veterans. What will happen next? Find out next time on Tits! Of! Goooold!!! (End)